Boeuf Bourguignon

“Boeuf Bourguignon” Just hearing those words lets you know that you are about to have something truly amazing. There are probably as many different ways to prepare this famous dish as there are French Chefs. In honor of the Queen of the Kitchen: Julia Child, I decided to prepare this dish as my inaugural post to the HungryHomo blog. If it was good enough for Julia’s first episode of “The French Chef” then it’s good enough for us.

Julia describes this dish as “certainly one of the most delicious beef dishes concocted by man” and after preparing this dish, I can not agree more. See my trials and tribulations after the jump:

After seeing the movie Julie and Julia, like many other homos out there, I was tempted to make my very own Boeuf Bourguignon. I knew that I was in for a bit of work, but I had high hopes that the end result would be worth it…and I was exactly right.

The first thing that you have to do when preparing this dish is go shopping. I decided to visit K&T Meats, the same butcher that Julie visited in the movie. I bought 3 pounds of Chuck Roast and had the butcher chop it for me. (Because they do it for free) I also bought 6 ounces of chunk bacon.

Now first you have to cut the bacon into lardons which Julia informs us is 1/4 inch sticks. You have to boil these lardons for 10 minutes to remove the smoky flavour. Then you dry the lardons and return them to the casserole, sauteing them with cooking oil.

After you finish, you have to remove the bacon from the pan, reserving the fat to sautee the beef in. Now, the beef has to be dried with paper towels first so that it will brown instead of steam. (I confess that I had no paper towels, so I had to use a dishrag–which I disposed of afterwards)

You then take the beef out of the pan and start sauteing the vegetables. (carrot and onions). After finishing, you pour out the sauteing fat. You then return the beef to the pan, and sprinkle with flour…and then put it in the oven to make a crust on the beef.

You are about 45 minutes into the prep now. Now is a good time to have a cocktail while the casserole is in the oven. You’re gonna need it sister..cause it’s about to get severe.

After pulling out of the oven, you have to add a bottle of wine, beef stock, tomato paste, garlic, thyme and bay. You also have to add the bacon rind to the mix. I had thrown the bacon rind out, because Julia never said anything about saving it…so I had to pull it out of the trash, boil it again, and throw it in. You then throw all this into the oven for 3 hours.

Have another cocktail, cause you are only half way done.

Next you have to prepare 2 separate recipes of mushrooms and onions. (please read how to peel pearl onions. I didn’t, and was there for an hour.)

Here are the vegetable preps. Remember not to crowd the pan when you sautee the mushrooms. Do about a hand full at a time. Its easier, and you wont throw mushrooms all over the kitchen. (well depending on how strong your cocktails were)

After all of this, the recipe gets ridiculous. You have to strain the stew, wash the pot, and reduce the sauce. Don’t skimp. Do what she says.

After all this, you are almost 4 1/2 hours and 3 cocktails in to it. Then you have to skim the fat off of this sauce. I have absolutely no idea how to do this effectively. I burned the hell out of my hands, steamed my glasses, and eventually said–well we’re just gonna have a fatty stew.

Please tell me how to skim fat in the comments. I used bread, turkey baster, and a spoon. Nothing worked. I just gave up.

Now after your 4th cocktail, you will realize that you have only prepared a stew. The onions and mushrooms go into the stew. You have to prepare a side dish. I decided to prepare parsley potatoes from page 526 of MtAoFC.

After all this, I was half-drunk, hungry, sweating, and ready to eat.

I plated it thusly:

I sliced a baguette, laid it on a piece of my busted chopping block (DO NOT put your chopping block in the dishwasher–you will come out with three 2X4’s), pulled out a Cote du Rhone, and sat down to eat.

When I took the first bite, I saw the face of God. I also dropped to my knees, thanking Julia Child for teaching me so much about French Cooking and so much about myself.

Things I learned:

• DONT CROWD THE PAN
• Buy Paper Towels. You can try to be green all you want–but you need a few paper towels.
• Some Sherry for the Sauce, and some Sherry for the Chef.
• When the Cast Iron Casserole comes out of the oven, it is very hot. Don’t grab the cute little handles.
• You need to dry things off if you want them to brown.
• You can buy a fat skimmer for $11.99 at Macy’s
• Do not try to peel pearl onions the same way you do regular onions. Do what Julia says. It sounds ridiculous, but it works. Boil those bitches first.
• You need to have a soundtrack when you are cooking for 5 hours.
• Anything worth having is worth sweating over.

Are there easier ways to achieve a Boeuf Bourguignon? Of course there are. But I have never felt more authentic in my life. I fantasized that somewhere in a corner of heaven, Julia was looking down, holding her wine glass high, and saying “Bon Appetit, Daniel!”

And that is my Boeuf Bourguignon experience. Have you made this recipe? Tell me all about it.